Dear Grace {Happy Birthday}

Dear Grace,

Five years ago in the very early morning hours of July 17th I was working as hard as I knew how to get you into my arms! We had already waited 11 days past when your "due date" was. We thought that you would make your debut around midnight, so we called our families and they all anxiously waited in the hospital waiting room. And waited and waited and waited some more. You waited another 7 hours to come! They all slept there in the waiting room. Both sides of the family were so excited for your arrival. When you finally did come, you were white and had had the cord wrapped tightly around your neck and had to go immediately to the NICU for the doctors and nurses to help you. My arms ached to hold you and the few moments I got just weren't enough! I remember looking at you and falling instantly in love! The most of the time we were in the hospital you had to stay in the NICU and I only wanted to hold you in my arms and not let you go. Ever. I just wanted to stare at the beautiful little girl that was my baby.

We went home on Saturday night and spent the first night at your Grandpa and Grandma Carter's house because while you and I were in the hospital Daddy and our entire awesome family moved us from Provo to Salt Lake, and I hadn't yet been to our new apartment and we wanted to stay our first night with our new baby somewhere familiar. That Sunday we went to Sacrament Meeting and I held you close the whole time, trying to protect you from all the people and germs around us. I remember being horrified when a man I didn't know really, really wanted to hold you and I eventually gave in and handed you over to him. My heart raced and I watched you so carefully wanting to grab you right back and protect you, but I didn't. Letting go was hard then, and it's a lesson I've been learning your whole life.

Now you're 5 years old! I am still learning about letting go. The other day you wanted to jump off the diving board into the pool all by yourself and I waited in the pool for you to help you if you needed, but I let you go and do it all by yourself. You didn't really need my help, but I was there waiting and wanting to hold you in my arms if you wanted. A while back you learned how to climb our backyard tree. Again, it took all I had to not wait at the bottom every time to catch you or help you if you needed, but you could do it all by yourself!

I know that we have many more years of letting go coming. I will try to let you go and explore the world and do things, even though it will probably be hard for me! I just want you to know that I will always be here to help you or catch you if you need it. I am so blessed to have such a good-natured, tender-hearted, thoughtful and beautiful little girl to call my daughter. I love you more than you know!

love forever, Mama